Sister Wives star Kody Brown admitted he suffered an “anxiety attack” while processing the death of his late son, Robert Garrison Brown.
“Grief hits you in waves. When it hits me, I can’t run from it,” Kody, 56, said during the Sunday, May 11, episode, which was filmed about four months after Garrison died by suicide in March 2024 at age 25.
Kody – who shared Garrison with ex-wife Janelle Brown, continued, “If I cry it out, or if I sob it out, I can cut it short, but when that wave comes, I cannot prevent it from affecting me.”
While Kody and Janelle, 56, had a military funeral for their son, the father of 18 explained that he set out on his own “pilgrimage” to his birthplace of Wyoming to put Garrison to rest near his and Janelle’s ancestors.
He said that he wanted to take Garrison “home” and bury his ashes “next to his grandma and his grandpa and, you know, just kind of … finish the circle.” Kody continued, “I was the first one that held him. This is my son. I rocked him to sleep. This is part of my mourning process.”
Kody – who was estranged from Garrison at the time of his death – then became emotional as he thought of the state of their relationship. “Sometimes out of the blue, out of the blue, it’ll overcome me. Almost, like, some kind of anxiety attack,” he explained. “Just a deep, overwhelming feeling that I’ll never see him again. There’s so much left unsaid, so much left undone.”
Fans previously watched Kody and Garrison face conflict over the patriarch’s strict COVID-19 protocols. Due to the disagreement, they stopped maintaining a relationship.
“Garrison’s poster will always be in my garage, and I always will always see it and wonder what was missed in the future that would have been,” Kody said. “And it’s a game of consciousness to move with grief, to make your blood sweet instead of bitter from the pain.”
Garrison’s death was documented during the May 4 episode of the TLC show. One day after the episode aired, Janelle took to Instagram to reflect on having their son’s death featured on the show.
“It’s taken [a while] to accept the fact that, in the end, we did everything we could. Sometimes the mind convinces someone there’s no hope, even when all the evidence says otherwise,” she wrote alongside a black and white photo of herself and Garrison. “Being in Flagstaff this past week brought a deep awareness of how much I need this new chapter — somewhere different. Everywhere I looked, I could see traces of Garrison.”
Janelle – who shares five other kids with Kody – continued, “I’m so thankful for all of my children, and especially for my grandbabies — they are truly life-giving. And because of my faith, I know I’ll be reunited with Garrison one day. That promise brings me immense comfort.”
The TLC personality also included a message for fans in text written over the photo. “Thank you to everyone for the amazing messages of love and support since the episode aired,” she said.
